Dear Nathaniel,
After awhile I decided this would be a better introduction into Jazz and we'll get the chance to listen to some Monk later. There's something so liberating about jazz in that it just lets the mind go free when listening to it. At least that's how I feel about hard bop, and to a lesser extent 70's jazz fusion.
Today we were able to sort out some more things for your funeral. We have decided on the songs we want played at the church, but have yet to decide about hymns. We've also arranged to go to a pub afterwards and they're letting us play what we want which was very nice. We're going back down home tonight for a few hours to sort some things out.
I really hope you can come to love Jazz like this as much as I do. There's just something so cool about it, it does what it pleases and I find that very endearing. The best part about it is the huge back catalogue of great albums from the 50's and early 60's.
I'm both dreading and looking forward to the funeral. I want to write a special message to you and I also want to find a poem or something to read for you in the church for the service. I don't really know how much time things will take there because 30 minutes seems short, but we can see when we get to talk to the people who know. It's really hard to think about at times, but that's only because it's something I never thought I'd ever have to do.
I hope we're able to give you something that you can be proud of and that will be able to help us get through everything. It's really hard to accept the finality of a funeral though which in a way is why I'm dreading it. But I know the memories and love we have for you will never be buried. We will never forget how beautiful and how perfect you are and how nice it was to be able to have shared the time together that we did.
There are times where I wish I had done more, but I didn't know, and I couldn't have. I loved every second that I was able to feel you kick or hiccup. Every time we could see you on scans or hear your heartbeat. Every time I heard you wiggle about when I pressed my ear to you and you'd kick me. I can't thank you enough for letting me have those memories that I hold so dear to my heart.
Nothing has ever made me feel more thankful than what you were able to give me. And your blessing is what lets me go on, from day to day. Every time the last song comes I always get a bit more sad because I know it will soon be time to stop writing. Although the last two albums had 20 minute finishers I'm not that lucky today with a short and snappy 7 minute number. I feel so fortunate that I'm able to look forward to something like this every single day.
I love you my angel Nathaniel, I know I say this a lot but it really is a pleasure to write your name, it just feels so right and so nice. I think we chose really well with Nathaniel, it fits you just perfectly, our gift from god. We'd have called you Nate for short, and could easily just revert to Nathaniel if you were causing mischief, although that would probably be your mams job since we'd be mischievous together.
I miss you every day, even though I can feel you so close to me. I hope you are as happy as can be. Sleep well my wonderful, lovely angel Nathaniel.
Love from Dad.
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