It's been another tough day today. I think it has to do with the fact that it's been a week now since you were born, you were so beautiful, so perfect. We miss you so much and we send you all of our love.
The sun is far away. It goes in circles. Someone dies. Someone Lives. In pain.We'll be meeting with funeral directors either on Sunday or Monday morning and then we will register our loss on Monday too. I don't know how it feels to be doing these kinds of things, it all feels so soon, so fresh. Right now all I want to do is sleep and dream of you and remember the good times we shared.
Today I decided to play another album that fits my mood that I had hoped to play to you so you could learn to fall asleep while listening to music. It is a very relaxing, sombre and atmospheric album that deals with grief in such a lovely way. It's amazing given that I fell in love with Ulver as a black metal band that also had a beautiful acoustic album. They went through a strange electronic phase and came out of that with this lovely piece. I find it so fitting right now.
For love. The only thing that makes us human.I find it increasingly difficult to find the words to say when talking to others right now. Being able to write to you is a great relief and it makes me feel a lot more comfortable. I just remember holding your lovely little hand and praying for you, and thanking God for being able to meet you. I think being able to have had that time together will make everything a lot easier eventually.
Do you know. If it is a word. Is it love? Does it hurt? Deep inside. Like music.Everything still doesn't feel real, it still just feels like a dream. But we have to stay strong and honour your name and give you all of the love we can. I know that right now you're safe and happy, and that is my main solace throughout all this, along with having met you.
For those. Who used to be. And now are. In the dark. Light a candle. And say their name. One last time. Let them go. We will follow. When time comes. To pray for life. To begin again. To eternity. A flower will open. On the grave.One of the hardest things right now to face is the sound of silence itself. It is the last thing you'd expect, but silence just echoes in the empty hole that losing you has left behind. That is why I thank you for being able to share this music with me so that at least for these brief moments we will not be in silence together.
It feels strange to say this, but since we lost you I have been able to see the beauty in a lot of things and a lot of things just feel clearer, nothing compares to your perfect beauty, but it can be appreciated, and it feels nice but sad. I know we have to move away from this feeling of sadness, but it's hard my angel. I know it will get easier but I never want to forget you or feel anything less with regards to your memory.
I don't think words can express how much I look forward to be able to write to you each day. It keeps me going when the pain becomes too much. In a few hours it will be a week since you've been born. And I want to be able to play you the special lullaby we played you and send you a few words and wishes of love.
It's very easy to get lost in the atmosphere of this album and just want to sleep the days away, which is in some ways very comforting. Especially given how hard it has been to finally sleep, even if that is getting a bit easier as time goes by. I hope my words are finding you safe, and I hope they don't bring you any sadness, because that is not something I ever want you to know. I want you to know how much we love you, and we would do anything for you and your happiness. We miss you from the depth of our hearts, our perfect little angel.
I will save the goodnight for later my sweet baby.
Love from Dad.
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