Day 3: Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here

Dear Nathaniel,

I'd like to start off by saying I'm very sorry I wasn't able to do this yesterday but I was in the hospital with your mam all night. We had a bit of a scare and thought she might have a blood clot but it turned out to be nothing serious at all so that was a huge relief. Since everyone is so nice at the delivery suite we were able to stay overnight in the room you were born which was lovely and helped me sleep. The album that I'm playing today is one we played when your mam was in labour and it rings so true.

Remember when you were young, you shone like the sun. Shine on you crazy diamond.

I find great comfort in playing the music that we brought with us into the hospital because it helps us remember how you were and how it was. Last night I dreamt about you as I slept in the sofa that I fell asleep on holding your hand what seems like years ago even though it hasn't even been a week. We miss you very much and we've been thinking about your funeral. We've decided we want everyone to bring their favourite teddy bear to cuddle during the service. I think that would be beautiful and you would like it very much.

I love the guitar on this album, it's definitely the best aspect of this album. I had always wanted to teach you how to play and appreciate just how great and versatile the instrument is. Waking up today was a bit strange, being in that hospital room and noticing you weren't there was quite difficult but I know you will have been there with us in spirit and that helps me with everything. I had such a hectic day yesterday. I was quite far away when I was told your mam was in hospital and going to stay overnight so I had a mad rush to get up home in very windy weather. When I got there it was just waiting and wondering what was wrong, I was so relieved when it turned out to be nothing serious at all.

I hope you weren't scared for us and that you knew all along that everything would be fine, it would break my heart to think of you ever having to worry about us. I still feel like I haven't fully recovered physically let alone mentally from everything that has happened. I'm already very very tired and it's just Ten to Eight at night. I think I will be sleeping soon after I eat. I hope to dream about you again it makes everything feel so much better when I wake up.

Come in here, dear boy, have a cigar. You're gonna go far, fly high. You're never gonna die, you're gonna make it if you try; they're gonna love you.

When I was away from your mam at the other house yesterday I didn't feel lonely because through the love we share for you all three of us will always be close at heart. It feels so comforting just sitting here writing this cuddling baby Mickey and listening to music that I have always wanted to share with you. The title track is one of the first few songs I learned to play on guitar and it always makes me remember different times. But now all I can think about is you, and that makes me feel better.

I have promised myself not to dwell on anything bad and only take away the good that has come from this. The love we have for you can never be broken and our memories of you will keep us strong and knowing that, and writing that helps more than I would ever have guessed.

How I wish. How I wish you were here.

 Of course that doesn't mean I won't ever be sad again, and it doesn't mean I'm not more sad than happy, but I feel like once we know how to cope and how to make things feel better without having to forget we will be able to move forward, for you. I finally convinced your mother to watch the Hudsucker Proxy today and she really liked it, I know you would have too, it's a very silly film but it's lots of fun. It feels really nice to be able
to tell you about my day and everything like that.

It sounds weird since that's probably not what I intended this to be, but I know you're listening with me, so I don't need to describe the music unless there's a special part I want you to take note of. I can tell you a bit about Pink Floyd though and why I like them so much. I think this is my favourite Floyd album followed by Piper at the Gates of Dawn and then Animals. Other than the brilliant work of guitarist David Gilmour, the whole feel of the good post-Barrett era albums are very special to me. Like all good Progressive Rock it's very human and full of emotion that many have always accused the genre of lacking.

It's weird how quickly these albums end when talking to you, everything is just over in a flash and then I have to wait a whole day to do it again. Hopefully it will just be one day this time instead of two and I am again sorry that I wasn't able to. But I felt the same feeling that I do now when I was there in hospital, maybe even a bit strong. It's hard not to feel close to you in the only room where we've seen you in since you were born. I feel so glad that I got the opportunity to spend so much time with you and holding your hand and kissing your cheek. It's such a comfort that we were able to do that, and also gets lots and lots of pictures which have already helped me to grieve a lot.

And I can't stress enough how nice everyone at the delivery ward are. They all said how beautiful you were and hoping we'd be back soon with a little brother or sister for you. Goodnight my angel

Love from Dad.